“Breathe Cindy breathe”…. That is what I have to keep on reminding myself for the last 3 weeks as I feel the familiar feeling of chaos, tension and anxiety as my life demands snatch my peace and it turns into exhaustion and me going into battle mode with my body and my Soul. “ I have to get through the next few weeks I tell myself,” “One day at a time,” “I always come back HOME” Home being my core my Soul. The place where peace and the flow of life resides.
These are the thoughts that are happening as there are many components of life occurring all at once.
It has been a while since I wrote and I find myself with the penetrating yet familiar feeling of my Soul wanting to express itself. But I have no clue what I want to write about… Should I write about my recent battle with PMMD, with the reality of feeling exhausted and having a mini breakdown? The stress and intense energy at work after the BIG move, boys birthday season, mommyhood and the mommy guilt from feeling am not spending enough time with the boys, managing TMG and DIVINA and the recent death of a relationship, and just like that I had enough, and I listen to my intuition. I hit the wall and decide to “take some time off” work.
All this is happening, and my awareness comes, and I know it in my heart that I am not the only one experiencing The Shift! The shift from head-driven human beings to heart and soul driven human beings.
I knew that my Soul was preparing to clear up my energy by letting go of people, beliefs and most importantly the death of a version of Cindy. I have to die again to be recreated. This time it was different it was my choice. The pre-divorce Cindy rebirth wasn’t a choice it was painful, messy and necessary. This time it was my decision if I wanted to evolve. The question that my intuition asked me was “Are you willing to see yourself differently?” I sigh deeply because I knew this wasn’t as simple as it sounded but it was a deeper question that emerges from a deep place within me. I stop for a moment, and I cried. I cried because this was scary yet TRUTH speaking to me. “Bitch it is time to get real, It is time to step into your path, it is time to leave behind your smallness and own your bigness” But I am afraid, what does this mean? Why are you asking me this?
I knew immediately that the next few weeks were not going to be easy. The universe was giving me a choice and with that choice came the purge. I experience severe anxiety, depression, being anti-social and only functioning enough to work and be a mom. Just a few close friends knew that this was happening. So I retreated and knowing what I know now I stepped back and allowed the universe to do its thing and remove and shake things up. I listened to my body and rested, talked to close friends and prayed knowing that I always emerge.
I am not entirely out but am feeling better to write, and this is the way the new version of Cindy wants to come out by tapping back into the spiritual side. The deeper, connected, and vulnerable Cindy, Going back to my roots of me sharing the soul level of my life. Sharing to connect with others that are possibly experiencing their rebirth from our heads into our hearts.
Much Love,
Cindy Canek
The Mommy Goddess